What else to say

     I just finish my debate training for today and i feel really beat up. The fact that I'm typing in something here instead on laying on my bed, having a good night sleep, I am actually trying to keep myself awake because I have a lab report to submit tomorrow morning... YEAH!! Gosh! I'm trying to be positive here, give me a break. 

   Well somehow, sometimes writing keeps me awake if i have a lot of stuff in my head. However, most of the time, it make me sleepy as well. I used to have a passion on writing when I was in high school but like all the other stuff that I'm interested in doing, the passion has died along the way. I hope debating will not be like that. I have to admit that my passion towards debating is fading slowly and I don't want that. I am struggling on trying to keep my passion on debating alive. The only thing that keeps me going in that club is that I don't want it to close down. I want people to gain and experience what I have experience when I was in the club. 

   I used to be active in sport during my high school life but now, I'm no longer active in that area instead I'm more active in the academic stuff which is the opposite me while I'm in high school. Academic is something I am really weak at. Its like I only study to pass the exam, which is very wrong to begin with. Up until now, sadly to say, yes I am bored and tired of studying. But I also know that I must be crazy to think that way. If I stop now, I will waste a lot of my parents money that they have invested in me and I don't want that. So it goes back to me trying to find passion in what I do. 

   I always believe that in everything that you do, you got to put your heart into it. Really put your heart into it and I've been doing it a lot to a whole lot number of stuff that I've been doing. But maybe by putting your heart in it a lot, you'll find that it is very tiring. Maybe thats what happen to me. I was really tired on putting all my heart to do a lot of stuff in one time. Gosh! right now, I really have a very rebellious feeling. I need to sooth this feelings..Retreat to my song bank and find a little peace to calm this raging heart of mine. 

   

Quitting is not an option

   So much to do, so little time in hand :-( I'm feeling a bit down about today. I wanted someone to tell me that everything is gonna be okey. There is someone who is telling me that is gonna be alright but problem is, I just can't believe him. Right now, I'm starting to believe that I am unable to do a lot of things. Why? this is the question I  always ask myself. Back in the past, I use to believe that I can do anything despite how hard that matter is that you just have yo believe in yourself and everything would be alright. But now, I'm doubting myself weather or not I am able to carry such burden.  

   Everyday, burdens are getting heavier and time is getting more limited. I wanted to do everything. I wanted to solve every problem that the people that is around me are facing. Problem is, I'm no superhero or a person with superpower. I'm just human after all and I need time to rest. Even superhero gets his/her rest. What more a normal people like me. 

   I know to some people, I may look like I have the power to move a little bit, to make things happen but my power are limited and there is nothing much that I can do. Maybe, I needed a rest to calm my hectic mind which now sometimes makes me unable to think straight. I needed a vacation where there is no burden to be carry. Just for a little while a short rest n I'll be alright again. Even if I cry buckets of tears, even if my heart is breaking because I was unable to help the people around me that is suffering, and even if I wanna tell that its too much just give me a break, people wouldn't notice it. Because I don't want people to know so. Bottom line, I needed a rest and it will be alright 

   Why don't I quit all of this? people might ask me. But this is my respond to that. I cannot quit because I was not raise to quit half way. I was born and raised where quitting is never an option. There is only move forward and swallow the bitterness and find other way to complete the task. Quitting is not an option.