Not sure anymore

Sometimes I feel that its better to be alone then to have a  partner with you or someone that is really close to you that is the opposite gender. I’m not sure why I’m feeling this way but I’m in they way feeling like that. Maybe because it uses a lot of your emotion. Sometimes I feel its a good feeling having someone that actually looking after you and care for you. Maybe I’m just not used of people taking care of me or maybe it just save all the heartache and headache.

I’m not sure if people realize this about me. But I assume the people do know it that I am an achiever. I strive hard, I work hard and push hard just to achieve something that is  now my education and stuff that I have to handle recently. The stuff that I have to handle is something that if offside actually. My main objective in a university is study and that’s all but seems like I get myself tangle in a web of things that is hard for me to do. Its not that i cannot do it, its just to much to do and I’m pouring all my energy and my heart out in each and everything that is there to do which is very tiring indeed.

For people that don’t really know this one fact, and its a very sad thing that I do. I actually sacrifice love in order to achieve something. namely all the above that I have stated in my upper paragraph and sadly, I get so used of it that I thought I don’t really need it. I give out love as much as I can and I really really like doing it. I give but don’t receive, its ok by me.. I admit, accepting love it is really a bit hard because of my previous statement before. But I’m not rejecting love a hundred percent. I’m just putting it on hold for just a while. I do want to fall in love and start a family of my own in future. Just not now.

I know some people will say, what kind of a person who rejected love. How about when there is a person who is willingly to offer security, his world and his love. Will you reject him as well? answer to that question is, I’m not sure anymore. In my mind, I always thought that no want to be with me or assume it to be so and this somehow would make my life a bit more easier and it did. But now, like I say I’m not that sure anymore.

All I can do now is just let it be and see where d winds blows..