Boxes

My mind are organized in boxes,
So that I don't mix around my thoughts and feelings.
There are sad box and happy box.
Tonight another sad box are created to be pun with the other sad boxes of my life.
The because I know I'm not perfect and I'm sorry for hurting you box.
When I think of who I am, I'm thinking that I don't deserve with anyone.
I have flaws  in every possible aspect of my life.
In every imperfection of who I am,
Someone is willing to accept me,
And i'm grateful for that.
Is it right to put expectation on the person you love?
Maybe its wrong to expect form them.
Why because a person once told me that,
In a relationship if you put expectation, then it will sooner or later crumble down.
I believe in that.
Did I change?
Am I being who I am?
Am I demanding too much?
I'm starting to think that I'm a pest in a person life.
But then again, sometimes you have to demand so that people will know what you want.
I'm not sure of anything anymore.
I cried because I feel what I'm saying is not being understood.
I cried because I know I'm hurting him badly.
I cried because I was me.
Both of us want it to end,
The dissatisfaction, the tension between us.
But I was hurting no matter what he says.
And when he reads this post,
He will ask himself 'is he good enough?'
I am sad because I don't deserve him.
He is more then good enough for me.
But I am more sad because truthfully sometimes I feel he don't understand me like he used too be.
And I am really sad because last time, he would not just hung up,
He would wait until I speak and really understand and clear everything up
And make me happy again,
And make me laugh again,
And make me smile again,
Then will he hung up.
But now that is no more.
I bow my head and agree with that.
Because maybe that is  him the whole time.
Is just that when he was chasing he have to force himself to understand me,
When he have had me he don't have to try so hard anymore.
Its sad,
Its heartbreaking,
But maybe I got everything wrong.
Maybe Its me who don't understand him.

And I'm truly sorry.
Everyone is not perfect so do I,
So do him.
I accept that and I understand that.
That is why I let it be.
I closed the box and put it in my shelf,
Of all the other sad boxes that's in my head,
Hoping that I would not open it ever again,
Hoping that time will pass,


Hoping it to be forgotten through time,
And it will be forgotten through time.









Because love is there,
To make the sad box turn into a happy box.